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In my own words:
A gifted listener, confidant and philosopher, presidents and heads of state frequently seek out my advice on matters ranging from disarmament to getting rid of underarm stains.
At lunch I design nuclear fusion reactors, paying particular attention to the implementation of biodegradable fuel bundles.
I can create culinary delights using only pancake batter mix and the seasoning packet from Stove Top Stuffing.
I was once called upon to explain the Theory of Relativity to a group of Mafia chieftains during a Tupperware party and then performed "Ave Maria" for their blushing wives on the accordion.
While doing covert ops for the CIA in South America, I single handedly negotiated for the release of high ranking political prisoners using nothing but my charm, poise, a box of "I Love Lucy" videos and Girl Scout cookies.
